Regret
by THE Fullmetal DR
Summary: The night before his execution Leluch falls into a state of regret for never telling her he loved her. Knowing that his death awaits him in the morning he desperatly tries to give her the message he always wanted to say.
1. Chapter 1

**Regret**

**Chapter 1**

Kallen, I think as I sleep. My hand tightens around my blanket as I grip it in between my fingers. I shiver as the thoughts of our encounter rush through my mind. The smell of her strawberry perfume as her red hair brushed the side of my face. The feel of her lips on mine. Though it was brief, for the split second I felt comforted and like what I was about to do was worth it for the end results. The sorrow I felt as she stepped away and the thing that traumatized me the most was her saying goodbye. The pain for me to say the same thing back and not sounding hesitant or sad. I acted like it was nothing and that is one of my biggest mistakes. The fact that I didn't do anything, I didn't kiss back. I didn't tell her I loved her. I didn't even give her an explanation. I have briefly seen her as I walked past the Black Knights who will be executed tomorrow. The thought of it makes me sick. My plan requires me to act heartless and not being able to say goodbye makes it all worse knowing that my friends will remember me as I have been, a cold blooded murderer.

Throwing off my blanket I sit up shirtless feeling my heart sink as I know that I will be executed in the morning. Standing up I walk to the window. I take in all the details of the city one last time. "Kallen" I mutter under my breath. Sinking to my knees I hit my head on the rim of the window seal. I hold back the tears I feel building up. I'm Zero but I won't be anymore. I can't let myself feel sad. Turning around I rest my bare back on the cold wall feeling a jolt run up me but ignore it as I see the moons glow in front of me. Suzacu is preparing himself for the morning and C2 has already left. I don't mind the loneliness or that I am to die tomorrow. I only hate that I will not be able to say goodbye. Kallen I think looking next to me into the empty space next to me. I would give up all the power I had just to be with her for this last time. I stare off until I drift into sleep.

My dream is of when I almost kissed Kallen. I feel the sorrow from being confused and wanting to give up on being Zero. I was at my lowest peak. The needle that I was about to inject into me probably to end my life. Sitting in the ghetto, alone, feeling hopeless. I hear the sound of footsteps echoing around me when I recognize Kallen's voice saying "Leluch there's something I need to tell you; Wait is that" she starts sounding alarmed.

I look up and give my normal grin as my eyes stare at her. She is wearing a short sleeveless pink dress. Her red hair, barely long enough to touch her shoulders which are barely covered by a blue sweater that seems to be hanging off of her.

"Refrain, your familiar with it aren't you, brings back memories of the good old days."

The rest was a blur of events and words exchanged. She was pissed off and was desperately trying to help me. I recall her saying I'll do anything and acting on pure impulse I stood up and was leaning in to kiss her. Before closing my eyes and leaning in I remember the sun setting light glowing on her red hair and her blue eyes looking shocked as I continued forward. Her heavy breath as I leaned closer my hand on her shoulder. Then she slapped me. My head jerked to the side and I looked back confused.

I wake up annoyed and feeling like a complete idiot.

I read my clock which says that it is 2:00 in the morning. I moan. I can't believe that this is it, that I will never be able to talk to her again when I get an idea. Getting up I walk to my desk on the other side of the room. Turning on the lamp I pull out a pen and paper. Kallen if I can never talk to you again I guess I will have to write out how I feel. Though the thought sounds totally stupid, it will be the only thing I can do without blowing the whole plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Regret**

**Chapter 2**

Leaning against the cold wood chair I think about different memories I had of her. The first time I actually seemed to notice Kallen was when I fell into the truck that the rebels hijacked. She walked past me her red hair spiked to the side wearing her red headband. Though I didn't think much about it then, I saw her at school.

She was in her school uniform. She had a light yellow dress coat with a short green tie. Her red hair was let down and I recognized that it was the same girl.

The events start rushing in on me and I groan in agony because I don't even deserve her. The memories. When I accidentally walked in the bathroom to leave a change of cloths for her and she accused me of being Zero and the embarrassment as she moved past the curtain to much exposing herself. Also the time when she fell off the ladder and was over me and the brightness of her cheeks as she blushed when she noticed C2 sitting there. When she was in the casino dressed in a tight pink waitress uniform with bunny ears and a bunny tail. Can't say that all the memories were pleasant in her favor but not all of them were pleasant in mine. I laugh recalling when she threatened to kill me pulling out a shiny dagger and when she found out I was Zero. I remember her running away in fear and I was alone with Suzacu each one of us holding a gun at the other. My cheeks grow warmer and I can't tell if I'm blushing or not. I slam my head on the edge of the wood table but leave my head there staring at the floor and against my will I feel a tear fall down my face.

Wiping it away I feel depressed and I laugh about it. I try to write down ideas but each time I try it sounds less convincing. Screaming I throw a glass pencil holder across the room. It collides with the wall and the shattered pieces chime as they hit the floor.

Two guards rush in saying "Emperor are you all right."

"Get out of here," I yell, my purple eyes full of hatred as I point at the door.

They run out and I sigh. When I think that my attempt of writing to Kallen is hopeless I see my phone from the corner of my eye and seeing it makes me think of president. Once I think that, I laugh because of the irony. While trying to write a love letter I think of an old crush of mine.

Deciding that it is stupid I pick up the phone and dial her number. While listening to the ringing wondering if she will pick up I lean over. She was the only other friend besides Suzacu who knew that I was a prince and I trusted her. She was always kind and outgoing; throwing weird party's and games.

After a minute she picks up. "Hello" she mutters. I hear the sleep in her voice.

"President it's me Leluch."

She seems to jolt up immediately and in her hyperactive tone yells "Leluch is that really you."

Ouch I mutter from her obnoxious screech. I can imagine her talking to me right now her long blond hair messy and her eyes wide open in shock.

Thinking about her hurts. When I was in high school I did have on a crush on her for a while but soon I realized that it was out of the question. Then I recall a few nights before Surly's death when I walked up to the roof and saw the gang lighting fireworks. After that I walked down the halls and saw an open door and when I looked through it I saw president looking over the balcony. When I walked next to her I remember her blue eyes looking at me sadly.

"It's hard to say goodbye isn't it" she said.

Shocked I replied "I guess for some."

"Don't you have someone who you don't want to say goodbye to."

"I guess" I say thinking of Nunally and Kallen.

"Because I do"

When I look over she immediately kisses me.

My eyes are wide open and I'm shocked and a couple seconds later she steps back and blushes "sorry" she says giggling a bit.

And we both laugh.

"Can I ask you something" I ask sadly.

"Sure, go on" she says.

I'm about to say how do I write a love letter but I realize by just calling I could put her life in danger. "I told Rivalz to tell you that I won't be able to keep my promise on launching fireworks with you guys, and about what we talked about on the balcony that night." I pause but continue before she asks questions "You were right there are people I don't want to have to say goodbye to. And Milly"

"Yes" she asks concerned knowing that I rarely call her that.

I look down as I say this almost in tears "Goodbye." And I hang up the phone

The phone rung several times. She leaves messages saying please pickup i'm worried about you but she must have given up because she eventually stops. I lie on my bed and think.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Nunally was safe and would be let go of tomorrow along with the Black Knights that are supposed to be executed tomorrow. It was funny thinking about your own death but the worst part is thinking of it and not being able to say goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Regret**

**Chapter 3**

The sun is starting to rise and I am getting nowhere. In just a view hours I will be dead. It's to late to sleep and all is dead. Curled up in my bed I try to think but I can't. The hours are going by faster and faster. Without notice it is 6:00 AM. I curse and get up deciding to take a shower.

I stand there and let the hot water drip down my body. The hot water feels like it is burning my flesh but I ignore the pain. I lean my head on the wall. My mind goes blank for a minute and I start to doze off. With my eyes closed I see Kallen standing in front of me and the event is switched. She walks in through the door and laughs "you do know I can see you right."

With that I fall backwards and hit the cold wall behind me. "Kallen" I scream reaching out my hand hoping she is there. I realize it was just a dream. Pulling in my knees to my chest my tears mix with the water streaming down me. "Why am I cursed with this burden" I say to myself. "Please Kallen I need you." Standing up I scream my fist connects with the wall. A shock rushes up my hand and I yelp with pain. Switching off the water I get out and dry myself.

Covered by a towel I get out of the bathroom and walk to the wardrobe across my room. I put on my white cloths and robe that has gold slivering around it with a red jewel near the neckline. Staring at the blank paper on my desk I sigh. What happens now? I hear the tick of the clock and it drives me insane. It strikes 7:00 Am and a servant girl walks in say "It's almost time to go sir."

"Fine" I mutter. She leaves. Not having much time left I decide to write what I can. I open a drawer and I see a stack of pictures. The first one is with the whole student council when president was graduating. There' one with Suzacu and his cat Arthur. I look through them for a couple of minutes and laugh as I see them each bringing back memories till I see one of me. When I look at it more closely I see me I look happy. My purple eyes look settled and I seem relaxed. Deciding that it is the best I can do I slide it in an envelope and look down at the piece of paper.

Before I start writing a guard walks in saying "Sir the escort is outside waiting for you."

"I'll be there when I'm ready now get out before I decide to have you executed." My eyes beam in hatred.

He kneels on one knee saying "please forgive me sir" with that he quickly leaves the room.

The pen in my hand is heavy and I feel like I can't do this. It's now or never I think. I touch it to the top of the page and start by writing "You once asked me what you really mean to me and now I will tell you the answer."


	4. Chapter 4

**Regret**

**Chapter 4**

My last moments have arrived. We go through the streets me on my throne and the Black Knights who are to be killed. I make my character seem even more evil than normal. Sadly I can barely look at Kallen without giving away my act. We march through the streets and the crowd is calm fearing that if they speak or give any anger I will slaughter them. Though they don't say anything I see it perfectly in their eyes the anger and hatred. Perfect.

Nunally is on the bottom of my throne. She is in a red dress and is hunched over in sadness. Looking down I still see the helpless blind little girl who was in a wheelchair. Nunally I think sadly. I hope when you find the young man of your dreams he will take care of you. No sadness appears in my face. I know I haven't been the brother you deserve but soon I hope you will understand my intentions.

I try not to cry but a tear comes down. Oh no. I end up laughing menacingly to seem like the tear was from laughing.

With each street we take my chest gets heavier. Time seems to move slowly. Kallen is strapped but looks down and I see sadness in her face. She doesn't know that this is all an act. All my knights are discouraged.

My inner conscious is screaming in rage. What have I had to sacrifice so others could live on in peace. My family, my friends, Surly, C2, the Black Knights, myself, but most of all Kallen. Why me. Though I have a straight face I am having my own inner war. I always wanted to destroy Britannia no matter what. Now that I have I realize the sacrifices I have made to do it. Was it worth it?

I'm tempted to use Geass and run but I stay. This is my last stand I think. No matter what I have to finish this.

I have finished everything that must be done. Using Geass I sent the young maid I saw earlier to take the letter to Kallen's house and to wait until she got there to retrieve it.

I remember after writing the letter and sealing it I gave it to the young girl who was cleaning in the hall. There were footsteps behind me and I knew I had to hurry. "You!" I call out.

She turned around and when she saw me she looked scared. I Bet I was angry and there was no time. Someone was behind me I grabbed her shirt collar and put my other hand around her mouth and dragged her into another room. She was screaming into my hands and I pushed her up against the wall. "Look at me" I hiss.

Obeying she looks at me tears building in her eyes. My purple eyes burn with rage as I look at her. "You will take this letter to Kallen Kozuki."

She settles and replies "I will deliver this letter to Kallen Kozuki."

I quickly give her the address and give her specific orders.

As soon as I am finished I walk out and head to the entrance where my guards await me.

Slowly I walk down the stairs I can feel my cape swaying side to side. I look serious which makes me look evil. I enjoy the fear in the guard's eyes as board my throne I sit down and we are on our way.

Reflecting on the morning events I grin.

The street comes up and I take a breath before we cross. There are crowds of people on both sides of the street. Most angry. We approach and then someone appears from the crowd. He is wearing a black oval shaped helmet with blue glass enough for him to see. He had a black cape with red fabric on the inside. He popped out of the crowd. It was Zero.

A mix of emotions go through me. Fear, happiness, sadness, but most of all relief. I will be free of my burden, Kallen will be free and everyone will be safe. Though I have to react totally shocked I am glad that it will end like this. I sadly won't be with Kallen but she will be able to move on with life. Suzacu I think. Then I smile. I'm ready.


	5. Chapter 5

Regret

Chapter 5

Suzacu dressed as zero charges at me. The crowd around me grows silent. I have to act surprised and I can tell by the faces of the black knights that they are confused as well.

In my last moments I put my hand to my gun and draw it. Right on time Suzacu's sword whacks it away. I take a breath of victory as the last stage of my plan finally comes into play. Pulling his sword back he thrusts it through me.

It is shockingly painful. I spit blood from my mouth and lean into him as I whisper my final words.

The words that come out are a blur to me. I remember bearing the curse upon him to make him immortal and to be the permanent sign of the rebellion giving up any personal relationships. When I finish it I say, "Do you except."

"I except" he says sadness filling his voice and I hear him crying quietly to himself. Knowing him tears are coming down his face but he won't admit it.

"I'm sorry Suzacu." He was my best friend and I know that this is harder on him than me. He hates killing anyone friend or foe. Here I was telling him to kill me. "Thank you".

He pulls out his sword and steps aside and I fall down the ramp next to Nunally. "Lelouch" Nunally cries grabbing my hand. Using geass I am able to show her the past events that have happened. Me and Suzacu's plan to bring peace to the world. It makes me happy knowing that she will know the truth and my true intentions. I hope she will remember me as her brother Lelouch and not as a cold blooded murderer. I am not the brother you deserve but know that everything that I have done was for you.

I take one more look at her. She is in a red dress and her long blonde hair is blowing in the wind. Her big eyes stare at me. I try to smile. "Goodbye Nunally."

Tilting my head to the side I see kallen.

She is shocked but our eyes meet. "I love you Kallen" I mutter under my breath. After that she try's to break free pulling anxiously at what binds her. I smile and with one last burst of energy I say "goodbye my friends."

As I lay there I reflect on my life. Mother died when we were young. I met Suzacu. C2 gave me geass power.. Then I made the black knights. I Regret never giving them my thanks. They stood at my side and I used them like pawns in a game that I had already lost. When Nunally was involved I threw them to the dogs. Many died at my expense. My heart is full with regret. Never had I told Kallen I loved her. Never had I been a good friend. Not to Suzacu, not to C2, not even Suzacu.

Regret the cold filling consumes me piercing me like a knife. Please forgive me my friends.I'm sorry Nunally but you'll have to live your life without me. Thank you reminded me what life is really about and in the process you got me to fall in love with you.

The kiss we shared when I went to assemble with the United Nations. You kissed me I wanted to know what you meant to me. I regret not kissing you back and not telling you what you meant to me. I would give anything I had to change that event. Trying to push myself up to look at you one more time I fail but I imagine your face and it makes me that I sink into death


	6. Chapter 6

Regret

Kallen chapter 6

"Lelouch" I scream my voice is drowned out in the screams of the crowd. I pull against the bonds holding me. He looks at me one last time. Our eyes meet and I'm frozen. His purple eyes stare deep into me. "I love you" he mouths out. Trying to smile he turns and I see the life leave him. A tear falls down my face then another and before I know it I'm sobbing. Lelouch.

The air tastes dry and I feel as if the life is being drained. In one last attempt I pull against my bands holding me back. My arm is cut from trying to pull against the tight bands. "Lelouch!"

For a moment I turn to look at Zero. I focus all my rage on him cursing him for killing Lelouch. Hate consumes me. Before I swear vengeance I notice Zero shaking as if he didn't want to kill Zero. Suzacu I think.

An army charges from a tall building and release us. The crowd cheers and even the black knights are relieved. I'm the only one who is sad. Lelouch. He's dead. I know I can't go to his body.

Nunally is crying over her brother's body screaming. Cornelia pulls her away and she pulls viciously to return to her brother. I walk away.

The news cameras show up and each person shouts over each other to try and get answers. I ignore them until I see Madame President. She sees me too. Her blue eyes are full of sorrow. She knew him more than I did I wonder how it would feel being in her position. She holds a microphone but doesn't ask questions. Tears are falling down her face.

"Kallen" a voice says behind me. I turn around and see Zero. His helmet prevents me from seeing his face.

The reporters push past me to talk to Zero. I stand my ground as I feel everyone pushing past me. When they stop I breathe in relief but I look up at Zero in hatred. How dare you take Zero's name? That name only belongs to Lelouch. My eyes are full of Hatred and I ball my hand into a fist. I can't make a scene here or I could be seen as a traitor.

"Citizens of Brutania." Zero says his cape blows in the wind.

"Lelouch has been brought to justice. I assure you me and the black knights will never allow something like this to happen again. Many lives were lost at his hand but now that he is gone we can remake the world into a better place." He stares directly at me and walks away I follow.

We walk into the building where Cornelia and her forces had hid. The black knights protect the doors and we go to the last floor. Making sure we weren't followed I here Zero sigh. Then he places both hands on his helmet and removes it.

I gasp as I see Suzaku standing in front of me. His brown hair is a bit messy but his eyes are puffy as if he had been crying for hours.

"Suzacu" I say shocked.

He nods and tries to give a smile but not before I smack him.

My hand stings a bit but there is a red mark on his face. "What is going on?"

His eyes are sad and he wipes away a tear. "I'm sorry."

I slap him again his head jerks to the side but then comes back and he looks down at the ground. "What is going on" I cry.

He stutters over his words and his voice is sad.

"I am finishing Lelouch's final phase."

"What" I say confused and angrily.

"He wanted to remake the world and only way he could do that is to break the cycle of hate."

The realization dawns on me and my eyes begin to water but he continues.

"He became emperor and drove all of the people to hate him so that if he died the people would be able to focus on what really matters. It's hard to explain but that's the best way can put it."

He turns and walks away. "You know he did love you."

Without another word he puts his helmet on and leaves.

I fall to my knees. Lelouch. Tears cloud my eyes as I cry each tear hits the ground and a splat sound echoes down the hall.


	7. Chapter 7

Regret

Kallen

Chapter 7

Lelouch, The word hangs in the air. Everywhere around me. News reports dance on the screens as they announce the death of our fallen leader. The rebels and the citizens cheer so loud my ears ring. I feel alone like I am in a different world. My heart full of sorrow. Tears fall down my face but I don't do anything about it. Lelouch can't be gone I try to think. Once I think this I hear someone yell "the emperor is dead."

I almost scream but Ogi places a hand on my shoulder snapping me back to reality. His eyes are full of sympathy. Knowing he wont blame me if I cry I pull him into me to hug me. As I do I bury my face into his chest soaking his shirt with tears. "You were in love with him."

"What makes you think I was," barely coming out clear I try to stop but I cant.

He laughs lightly "I can just tell."

I continue for a while until I hear Villetta calling over the crowd for Ogi. He looks at me to know if I want him to say but I just say "go get her." I manage a fake smile.

He nods and heads off searching through the crowd. Once he is gone I decide to walk home hoping to think clearly. As I walk everyone seems to be cheering over the death of the emperor. Lelouch I think. Your plan worked. A child runs across the street holding his mothers hand. He smiles and so does his mother. I watch as they run eagerly to where the crowd is gathering. Following them with my eyes I start to realize the full extent of his plan.

You wanted them to have one common enemy. Someone the world hated so much that it was something that brought them all together. My eyes threaten to tear up but I force the tears down. I quickly walk down the streets. Kicking a pebble across the street I head to the park which is a shortcut to get home. The walk seems to be doing me more harm than good. My emotions are threatening me as I walk home. I'm afraid if I cry people will think me to be a traitor. I quickly run home. When there I knock anxiously and notice my mother open the door.

"Kallen" she gasps but I'm already running up the stairs and feel as tears build in my eyes leaving a few drops on the ground. Running down the halls I make it to my room and slam the door behind me. Once in the safety of my own room I cry. I sniff as tears are falling down my face like a rain storm and I tuck my knees to my chest as I slowly sink to the floor pressing my back to the door. A strand of my red hair catches one of my tears and reflects the light around me. Mother knocks on the door.

"Kallen please let me talk to you."

I ignore her and continue on as if I never heard anything at all.

"Kallen please I don't know why your taking this so personal but I mean its not like you really knew him." She must have thought it would help. She had no idea.

I feel anger as those last words repeat in my head. Throwing the door open I grip her maid collar in my hands and push her against the wall. Her eyes are full of fear as I growl "you don't know anything about him or what he has done for you."

Letting her go I slam the door and hear her say "Kallen wait I'm sorry I just," the sound of the doors impact blocks out her next words. Picking up the first thing I see I throw it at the wall. The sound leaves a ringing in my ear. Still enraged I grab something else and target the mirror which shatters. Pieces of glass chime as they hit the floor.

I scream falling to my knees. My tears come faster as I remember Lelouch more vividly. I remember as we were in the construction site as he was confused. Remember as he leaned in about to kiss me. Laughing a bit I remember slapping him. Then I remember as he went to join the United Federation I kissed him on the stairwell. Remember how happy I felt. For a brief second all my problems were gone as I kissed him. His lips were warm and soft.

Tears fall down harder and I scream louder. I'm sure by now every maid in the house is on edge afraid to even come near me.

Scooting to the broken mirror shards I grab the biggest piece I see and grab it. Lifting it up and gripping it with both hands the memories come back and I am about to end my life. Everything seems like a blur as I am about to end it here.

"No!" I hear mother scream.

Mother walks in but I don't look at her. Running to me she moves her hand to the glass and chucks it to the side. My hands must have gotten cut because blood slides down the palm of my hand from an open wound. She just sits in front of me and embraces me wrapping her arms around me in an attempt to comfort me. I just cry not knowing what else to do. Mother whispers "it's ok."

Slowly I hug her back. We sit there for a little until I get up at the sound of a voice. One of the maids say's "theirs a guest for Ms Kallen."

I sigh and decide to see who it is. Wiping the tears from my eyes I walk down the stairs. A young girl stands there I am confused. I never met her in my life. Looking closely I see a package in her arms. It says from Zero. It only takes me a second to recognize that it is Lelouch's handwriting.


End file.
